Baby Please Don't Go

This past weekend was the first weekend my son got to spend with his father.  All night Friday I tossed and turned thinking how this was bad idea to let him go and spend the night!  I only agreed to it because of Teddy's damn good advice, so instead of being the ignorant bitch that i am I just said yes to the idea.  Saturday When I woke up I dreaded having to get him ready and pack some clothes for him to take, I didn't want my baby to leave let alone leave with this new found parent.  Zahree's excitement was at 100 % from the time he woke up until he left me sad and lonely.  Zahree leaving has never been an issue for me before hell sometimes I wish someone would come pick him up it was the fact that his father was coming that mad me soooooooooo uneasy about it.  Him and I made the agreement that he would pick him up Saturday afternoon around 2pm and have him back Sunday morning by noon it was one of the hard decision I ever had to make.  I want Zahree to have an relationship with is father but that fool and stupid wife might have tried to pull some slick move on my ass and disappear just like he did to me and Zahree 2 years ago.  I know I shouldn't have been thinking the worst but I put nothing passed his ass right about now.  Every five minutes I had to update Zahree on the time and what time his father should arrive so he wouldn't bust at the seams with excitement.  I asked him repeatedly if he was sure this what he wanted to do, spend the night and all and time after time i got the same answer "yes mommy" Secretly I wanted him to break down crying and ask me not to make him stay but his excitement must have out weighed his nervousness. The time passed so so fast and before i knew it 2pm had come and gone....and no Moe to pick up Zahree  ;-( I watched my son go from cloud nine right back to the ground, i was thinking of a thousand different excuses to spit at him when his father let him down. I prayed that I wouldn't have to pick up the pieces from his fathers mistakes up and god answered that prayer quickly because the doorbell rang and there he was to whisk my baby away.  At that moment I wanted to Zahree to have an crying fit and need to be held and stay  with me but instead he grabbed his bags and ran out the front door without saying one word to me who was dying inside.  I wanted to cry and run after him but my feet wouldn't let me move. Moe and I went over the rules and regulations of Zahree and of course the make sure you bring him back line was threw out there just in case he got any ideas. I went to close the door and in burst my baby to make sure I was OK with him leave..."are u going to lonely while I'm gone? I left my transformer to protect until I get back" I reassured him i would be okay and watched him hop back in the car.  My heart was screaming baby please don't go as I waved bye but I know that all was for the best.


I spent most of my night waiting for Moe to call and say I'm bring him back he won't stop crying but the call never came so I was forced to accept that and focus more on my date who I know wanted ed to slap me for checking my phone every five minutes. I'm sure he will never take me out again.  


I guess this one trip is just the beginning of many more to come.....it better be the beginning of many more to come as much as I don't want him to leave he needs an relationship with his father and I won't stand in the way of that.