I had been lying to him all day about my whereabouts just because I didn't want to deal with him today, I only got one more day here and wanted to make the best of it maybe do some shopping and go visit one of my friends who lives right outside of Atl. I only gave in to his request to see me because he said something about Bone's steakhouse and I'm a fat girl so I was all over that. Sitting across from him listening to all the big plans he was making for "us" I thought of all the good and bad times we have shared. some I wish I could re-due, others brought me great joy but at that moment I realized that I CAN NOT and WILL NOT do this him anymore. as mush as I want to be with him and love him I just can't go back and forth anymore. things are all lovely and great while I'm here we are just like two little love birds but once I head back to DC I will fall far from his memory and he'll be back to entertaining whatever female he like. I once pictured myself with him...married, kids, house, white picket fence but it has become very comprehensible that is nothing more than just a fantasy or dream for me. I don't Que has any attention of us being together and why would he? he gets the best without having to make any type of commitment. I constantly make excuses for the fact that after 10 years we haven't made any kind of major move with each other, I say its because I had a baby, well he has a baby too its because he doesn't want me to have to leave my job and family and move to atl but he knows that I could set up shop here in Ga and everything would be fine. The list I've come up with is endless of excuses, they use to get me by. I use to once hold out hope that we would be together so I never got to serious with any man, even the one who I knew was all that I looked for I let go just in case Que woke up some faithfully morning and said "Jaz, I'm ready". I have got plenty of calls from him in the early morning hours but never to say that usually to say such and such saw u at the such and such with whomever and How you going to do me like that. Do you like that? he's been doing me like that for as long as I can remember and until I end this for good this saga will just continue on...and on. Tonight I shall make sure i get a good look at him and maybe even a good sex ok so no maybe I will get some sex i need that good bye thing before I call it completely over between the two of us. I wonder if he will even notice the change I'm about to pull on him or will he even care I'm sure which ever the way the wind blows him he'll be on his oh no Jaz i love you and we are going to be together shit before he let me go completely. I will be going back home with a broken heart to mend and a happy hour or two to hit to numb my heart.
3 comments:
Hang in there babe. You know what choice you need to make.
*rubs back* I'm sure that was a hard thing to do but sometimes you have to let go of certain situations to be able to move on to better ones..
I feel you girl. For some strange reason, it's always hard to let go of the ones who feed us these dreams in HD. I've been there, done that and wrote a blog about it! Stick to what your head says because the heart is so deceitful.
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